This was exhausting. There was little care for myself and the big heart that we all have. I started to feel empty. Lost. Lost in all the questions. What was this all about?
It would take some years, a lot of pain - physical and emotional - and a period of depression for me to find something that would change my whole life.
A little moment, a new thought, easy to miss but I didn't. I saw and felt it.
The thought that accured to me after being in a hole for months was "what I feel comes from what I think". I knew this changed everything, but I had no idea how much it would.
From that moment on I knew I wanted to get a better understanding about what was going on in my head, the permanent chatter of thoughts passing through and my ability to believe some of them, but dismiss others.
Through meditation and working with a coach I would find my way out of my previous state of mind, into a new one.
I felt alive. In fact, I felt as alive as I did when I was a kid.
I continued working with another coach, too. We had started the process with the goal of finding a new position in my work, but moved to what I really wanted from my life really fast. What changed within me was so powerful, that 3 sessions in I was starting to ask her about coaching.
It was so fascinating to me and I knew I wanted to know more. It was so powerful that I wanted to learn how to coach.
The shift, as I understood later, was to go from doing to being.
I realized that I was always being, I always was. No matter what my mind would ruminate on, no matter what questions I was trying to answer. There was a part of me that didn't need answers, a part of me that was present with me all through what I went through.
And that part was free, loving, devoted and didn't judge. It was like a part that knew that I was whole all the time. I had just been too busy to notice.
Today I can thankfully say that it is my mission to guide heartful leaders, just like you, to that inner place, too. Because you know this place already. Let's start from there.